Damn, it’s been a while — 2 years din ata since sinulat ko ang “To the one who broke my heart” that time madaming mga unanswered questions and no closure pa talaga kung bakit nagawa niya ang mga nagawa niya. The last time na umuwi ako ng pinas it was in 2015 imbis magka closure parang umasa ako na baka meron pa so I said uuwe ako ng 2016, unfortunately it didnt happen kase I was busy with my studies in Nursing (stereotype) in 2017 I said uuwe talaga ako, I was so stress with school, money, and LOVE! nagka boyfriend na kapatid ko, tas ang mga kaibigan ko may JOWA na din! iniisip ko that was in September “Shit! baka ako lang mag-isa sa valentines neto” kaya agad2 din nagpa book ako ng ticket para sa February 13 para pag alis ko ng America 13 na tas pag dating ko sa pinas February 15 na hahaha I totally wanted to skip Valentines day.
Pag dating ko ng Pinas, I message him first. Gusto ko siya makita eh pero as friends lang okay? take note may special someone na ako at this time pero sa ibang story na yun kung pano ko sha nakilala hehehe. ABANGAN! anyways so ayun, he did tell me na may kinikita na shang babae ngayon pero hinde daw sila? parang trial lang daw – open relationship. So walang magagalit, walang magseselos. Happy lang daw.
So, nagkita kami with our friends ofcourse – at that time when I saw him nag away kami ng boyfriend ko nun, so nag inuman kami, Si Jimmy which is my ex never really looks at me, pag mag checheers ayaw nya ako icheers, may something. 2 years ago he was so clingy to me, like kissing here kissing there, but that night he was kissing my friend na may boyfriend din. Nag club kami after drinking I was dancing with him but he would never really hold me. He would always take a step back, I understand maybe he was respecting my relationship pero I was in a relationship din naman the last time I was home but he wasnt this distant from me.
The next day, he texted me he wanted to see me daw, ofcourse I met with him but with my friends. whenever I go to the city I would see him, after his classes — every weekend at the club all the time but he was just really distant. My friend asked him who he was and how we know each other he just said “I was her seatmate nung first year high school kami” WOW ha! seatmate talaga!! although it’s true pero baket ayaw mo malaman nila na ex moko? well it is weird na magkasama pa tayo, pero seatmate talaga? ugh!
The night before I was going back to LA nag clubbing ulet kami – knowing my boyfriend ayaw niya na nag cluclub ako lalo na with Jimmy although my boyfriend doesnt know na boyfriend ko si Jimmy sabe ko lang bading yun cuhs he was curious bat kasama ko lage yung guy. So ayun na, alam ko tatawag ang boyfriend ko that night so I booked a hotel room na malapit lang sa club para maghintay ako dun sa tawag niya after niya tumawag mag paparty na ako haha! so I waited til may kumatok sa room ko, binuksan ko guess who? YES! si Jimmy! he was there already drunk tas nasa isang room lang kami! I was like fuck sana walang mangyare or ano ba dapat gagawin ko? he went inside and said “bat wala ka sa club? pumunta ako dun para makita ka tas nandito kalang pala” hnde ko alam sino nag sabe sa knya na nasa hotel ako or kahit yung room number ko he was just there. nakaupo ako sa chair habang sha naman nakahiga sa bed (LASING NA EH)
“So balita ko serious relationship kana ngayon?” ang mga unang sinabe niya pero hnde ako sumagot ” mas magaling ba siya sa akin?” “sumagot ka” “mas marunong ba siya humalik kaysa sa akin?” mga tanong na paulit ulit niyang sinasabe na ang tangi ko lang nasabi ay “Oo” na sa gulat niya sinabe niyang “Sabagay liberated kana kase nasa America ka na eh, ganyan naman talaga sainyu eh. Normal lang yun sayo.” para akong sinampal sa mga sinabe niya sa akin pero iniisip ko lang LASING lang siya.
“Gusto moko halikan noh?” sabe niya habang nakahiga sha sa kama, hinde ako sumagot pero biglang sinabe niyang “Alam mo ba hinde talaga kita minahal?” whaaaatt! 3 years moko niligawan di moko mahal nun? tanga kaba? “Clingy mo kase nung highschool eh” “gusto mo magkasama tayo palage” uhmmmm ayan naman po kase ang dapat na magkasama tayo may mag shota bang hnde magkasama! “aggresive mo pa” taena! kelan ako naging aggressive!? ugh! “para sa akin HINDI KITA KINONSIDER NA GIRLFRIEND” ayun na! may mga luha na sa mga mata ko pero pilit ko pa ding tinatago sa sarili ko. “Na-touch ako ng malaman ko na umiyak ka nung nag break tayo” hnde na ako naka pag pigil pinalabas ko na siya.
Sa taong minahal ko since 13 years old lang ako ay hinde pala ako minahal, masakit pero atleast alam ko na, alam ko na wala na akong mababalikan pa sa kanya at may total closure na ako, well at least para sa akin closure ko na yun, i dont stalk him or talk to him on any social media. WALA na! ayoko na! tapos na ako sayo! haha
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